To be or not to be?

As I scrolled my FB TL the past few weeks the infamous ring has stared me in the face. a simple diamond, a huge diamond, or the simple gold band. For 2.5 seconds I submit to rolling my eyes, a flash of jealousy emerges and then a smile spreads across my face. Another one bites the dust, a social media fairytale, equipped with an uploaded wedding album, electronic e-vites, bridal shower reminders and lets not forget the announcement pictures. I'm not knocking love, trust me I'm in love with love! It just can get to be a little much when you having been on the dating scene, nd everywhere around you there are reminders that you are still single. Now I am not opposed to marriage, its just the engagement announcement the gets me. I used to be the type who flip through the pages just to see that announcement of love and commitment and I would think to myself she's lucky, she found love! Being in my 30's and still unwed kinda rubs you hard. I mean I have yet to even be a damn bridesmaid LOL. Not that I'm missing something(catering to a bridezilla, who reminds you daily that she's marrying her soulmate and life is perfect) I'll pass. The response I hate is "This is sooo unexpected", "I had no idea he was gonna propose", I just nod and smile. Engagements are not unexpected they are thoroughly planned my dear, a woman leaves hints, she invites you to weddings, talks about the future i.e., how many kids she wants, neighborhoods, career goals. Then the big one " where do you see this relationship going". She's damn near planning the wedding in her head!

From the Disney classics Cinderella, Rapunzel, Little Mermaid, as woman we saw the image of a "perfect man" or "Prince" rescuing us. Oh to be rescued ! swept off our feet and experience true love, every girls dream right? Well what they should have shown was the damn truth, the first man you meet will not be prince charming, you're gonna have to kiss a lot of damn frogs to find your prince. The anticipation is gonna leave you susceptible to a lot of losers and possibly a few boogeymen, and when prince charming finally arrives after you have met Prince Deceitful, Prince Conceited, and Prince Selfish, that man will appear to be a breathe of fresh air, your true Hero. Prince charming has rescued you from what you thought would be years of dating the wrong kind of man. Its perfect, he's perfect, the timing is perfect, and you couldn't be happier. The first thought that enters you mind is ..........what if?

What if this man is the ONE? What if he's serious? What if he we last a while? What if he loves me? What if I love him? What if he proposes?  OMG!! you can't hold all this in so you call your single girlfriend and tell her about this "perfect man" you met. How he's a gentleman, treats you wonderful, swept you off your feet. And what does she say " Girl you better hold on to him, I wish I could meet someone like that". Let the games begin. You invite him to meet your family, hoping you meet his, hinting around about it. Eventually you meet his folks, you think wow I'm special I met his mom, she might even like me or maybe not. Then you make suggestions on what you guys should do, stop letting him plan the dates, you take the lead. You spend nights at his house, leaving miscellaneous items, toothbrush, earrings, panties. You call him at odd hours to see if he answers. You guys swap keys, its getting serious. Then you scare the hell out of him, not understanding that a man doesn't like to be rushed, not knowing that a man prefers to "think" he makes his own decisions. You nudge him a little, tell him your dreams, goals, your perfect idea of family and how you would like to get married one day, how many kids you want. At that moment he is scared to death, he thinks you're changing that you're trying to change him.

Sooo.... It happens one Thursday. He calls you, he plans for dinner. So your Girl brain says this is it!
I won, the hard work paid off, I made it through, he is gonna pop the question! This man truly is perfect. He professes his love for you while he's waiting for the check, telling you how fun it was, how he enjoyed the times you shared, how great the sex was, how you guys had this damn cosmic connection and that he will always remember you. Wait....what? what you mean remember me? I'm not going any where. you're scanning his face maybe he's a little nervous. Nope ! he's not nervous he's just not ready. You have managed to scare this man, this man you thought was perfect turned out to be just a man, a man who thoroughly enjoyed you but wasn't married to marry you. He liked being intimate with you, he loved your cooking, your family loved him, he was always punctual, romantic, and seem genuinely interested in all that was you. So while your biological is ticking, every woman you know with eggs is getting married you're not. You have managed to let your "perfect man" to walk away.

Now this is not the case for everyone. There are men who are actively seeking a potential mate to spent the rest of their lives with. Maybe rare but not unheard of. The lead has to come from the man, you can not put the idea in his head, you can not trick him, you have to let him assume his role. No, you do not have to wait around you can date, you can make yourself occupied but I wouldn't suggest putting your time energy and availability at the mercy of another. If a man is interested he will call, he will make plans, he will say what he wants, he will make attempts to let you know what his true intentions are and in the end he will show you. In the mean time just pick wisely don't except what ever type of man that blows your way, stick to your standards and voice how you feel upfront about relationships and what you expect. Be patient, find interest, don't let him be your focused, and yes its hard but don't compete with outside relationships. There Is no time stamp on love and no bar to compare it to, except your own. Of course we get a little envious when see wedding gowns and he about the perfect engagements. But when the wedding is over and the reception has come to an end, you're back from your dream honeymoon, Its just you and this man for the rest of your lives. So make sure he's the "right one", not he perfect one. Those kind of men aren't in the fairytales. Sometimes he's the guy we never thought to give a chance.